We've spent the last week and a half adjusting to being home!  The kids LOVE Owen.  They want to see him, touch him, and "help" him.  When Owen fusses Grant says "it's okay, it's okay" in a high voice.  I guess he's mimicking mommy.  He loves to tickle Owen's feet and give him a binky.  Ava is a super-sister, a mama bear to the core.  She loves to check on Owen, give him a blankie, comfort him, show him toys, help change diapers, feed him, and even wash pump parts.  Most of all, she loves to hold him.  She has had nothing but positive things to say about her brother.

I will say though, the kids have had moments of frustration when I can't play with them because I have to feed the baby.  They both really want my attention, probably mostly because I've been gone for so long.  They don't seem to take it out on Owen though.  The other night I ran up to the store for an hour, my first time away from the kids since I've been home.  In hindsight I realized that this was very difficult for them.  Grant did not want me to leave.  Apparently Ava bawled once I was gone.  I think they both didn't know if I would come back.  Of course I did a short time later.  Then Ava curled up in my lap and started talking about how much she missed me when I was in Oklahoma.  She said "mommy, every time you have a baby we have to find a hospital in Michigan so we can visit you.".  I guess it will take a while for them to re-learn that mommy always comes back.

Here's a picture of Owen, at home, with no wires or tubes!!  He is such a good baby.  Sweet and snuggly and only fusses to be fed or held.  And as soon as I pick him up he stops the fussing and patiently waits for me to change his diaper and weigh him before he can be fed.  It's like he's used to the process.  He's precious.  My other kids were not so patient.  This may change over the next several weeks as he has more awake time.  We've taken Owen to our pediatrician here and he's gaining weight well, 9 oz in a week!  Because he did so well we decided to stop his supplement, but continue the pumping. However, in the last 24 h since we did that he's lost an ounce.  So we'll see how he does after several days. I'm hoping we don't have to go back to supplementing!

I know several of you in Michigan are anxious to meet this little guy.  We have been advised by our doctors not to take him out to public/crowded places until 2 months after his due date, which is early July.  We'll see if we really wait that long, but we want to let his little immune system get as strong as possible before exposing him to crowds.  We look forward to showing him off to you though :).

I will probably not continue to update this blog regularly.  We have a family blog that is set to private to protect the pictures of our children.  Any friend who would like to follow that blog, just leave a comment with your email address (or send it via Facebook) and I'll send you an invitation to the blog.  It will ask you to create a google log in and then you can read our updates any time.  I will keep that one more up to date.

Again, I can't express how much we appreciate each and every one of you who have prayed for our family. God continues to bless us more than we can ask or imagine.  We thank him every day. Thanks for participating in our journey.

74 days

We were discharged from the hospital!! Yesterday was a crazy day trying to organize everything that had to come together to be discharged. I got the okay from our doctor, and Owen got the shots he needed. We are taking a oxygen mask and tubing on the plane just in case (nothing ever happens when you're prepared, right?). We left at about 6pm last night and stayed at Kathy Loeber's house. We have a flight booked for Detroit tonight!! It's hard to believe that after 74 days we are finally going to return home. I haven't seen the kids in over a month and I can't wait to see their smiling faces and introduce them to their new brother. I'll be flying by myself but will have help getting my bags checked at the airport. So all should go smoothly. My biggest concern is Owen being exposed to germs in the airport. Please say a prayer for his health and our safety as we travel. I'll continue to post about how things are going once we are home. Thank you everyone for your prayers. It's amazing we we made it!!

71 days

Things are going well here. Owen is continuing to work on nursing. He is doing a good job, but is not efficient enough to get a full feeding in 20-30 min. If he sucks longer than that he consumes more calories than he takes in. So I have to supplement his feeding until he gets a little stronger. I am avoiding using a bottle this early on, so I have tried a drip tube that allows him to get more milk while he's nursing. In the last 24 h the doctor has allowed me to feed on demand, instead of following their every 3 h schedule. It resulted in me getting a lot less sleep, but I think it will smooth out after a few days. Even with the new schedule he gained weight - that's what really matters.

This method I use to quantify Owen's progress is one the doctor called "unconventional" and apparently it's new to the nurses and I have to explain it at every shift change. Basically I have to take Owen's "pre-weight". Then I feed him, using a tube to supplement with breast milk while he's nursing. Then I take a "post-weight". Each gram increase is a ml of milk. I subtract the # mls that I put in the syringe/ tube and that gives me the # mls he got from nursing. I add the total number of mls he eats per day and make sure that he is getting enough. Then when I weigh him after 24 h I ensure he's gained. It doesn't seem that complicated to me, and it seems like they should have a process for teaching preemies to nurse. But apparently people don't do it, almost everyone uses bottles. I was so surprised. I kind of enjoy the process...numbers, data...it's like doing my own little experiment, but it is very time consuming. I will have to keep doing this at home until he's mastered nursing full feedings.

But the doctor felt that if we can continue this process for a few days, and I feel comfortable doing it at home, and he continues to gain weight, I can take him home:). However, nothing is simple, and the complicated part is arranging getting home. The doctor feels it would be safer to fly than to drive. If we drove the 1,000 miles, we'd have to stop every 2 h and she thinks it would still be too hard on him. If we fly the risks include the elevation (less oxygen, which we don't know if this would be hard on Owen or not) and the exposure to germs in the airport since preemies are high risk for infection. We are looking into taking oxygen on the plane, but the airlines won't allow portable oxygen tanks. I also have to see if our insurance will cover a protective RSV shot to help protect him from RSV. If we can make all the arrangements, hopefully we will be home soon.

66 days

We've graduated to the "NICU village"! The village is part of the NICU for babies that don't need as "intensive" of care. My doctor calls NICU "baby jail" so Chris calls "the village" the baby "halfway house". Owen is now a "feeder/grower". He can tolerate full feedings through his feeding tube, but now he needs to be able to nurse full feedings to be able to go home. The doctors say this can vary greatly, from a few days to a few weeks. Hopefully he'll quickly gain the endurance to nurse longer.

This is my 7th room change since I've been at the hospital. I've stayed in 1) Rm 4122- OB special care, 2) Rm 4130- OB special care, 3) Rm 17 - delivery, 4) Rm 4136 - post pardum, 5) Ronald McDonald - Anna's room, 6) Parent Hotel- Garrison tower, 7) Rm 7226 - NICU Village. The next one will be back home in Michigan!!

I have to mention one more thing- the complete paradox of hospital life. These are my instructions from the doctors/nurses/lactation consultants: 1) be sure to try and nurse 8x/day at every feeding, 2) pump 8-10 x/day, 3) do Kangaroo care at least 3 hours each day, 4) drink lots of water (but you can't have water in the NICU), 5) eat lots of food (but you can't have food in the NICU), 6) get lots of sleep, at least two 4 hr blocks (but...see #s 1-5), 7) get out and enjoy some time away with your husband to keep your sanity (but...see #s 1-6). Is anybody doing the math here?! It does not add up - ha!

64 days

I'm missing the kids today, but I'm so thankful Karen & Dean are getting to have a fun Easter with them. We dressed up Owen for the occasion with a bunny hat & booties from my sister:) Here are some pictures of him!

Someone found his thumb.

Family picture.

A nurse taught me to crochet and I made this blanket for Owen while I was in the hospital on bed rest. He got the puppy from the kid's zone.

This is what I spend a lot of the day doing, aside from feeding the baby. Kangaroo care. I'm enjoying getting time to hold my lil one. I know that will be harder to do once I'm home with the other kids.

I forgot to mention that Chris and I snuck away to have dinner at Zios the other night. It was my first time to leave this building in 60 days! Yay!

63 days

Owen is doing really well. He's been working on a few different things in this first week of life. So here's a breakdown of his status.

Lungs - he is off the CPAP. It left his eyes and nose bruised, but he is doing great breathing on his own. His oxygen levels are high. He does have some apnea though, where he just stops breathing for a few moments, causing his heart rate to drop. Then he breaths and it goes back up. Because he recovers without help, they aren't concerned about it. Apparently that's just what little babies do...and he'll grow out of it.

Liver - his bilirubin went down from 8.4 to 7.9 today without any phototherapy lights. So he's done with that!

Digestion- for the last few days, he has been trying to nurse. He wears out after about 5 or 10 min. The rest of the feeding he receives through a feeding tube which now runs through his nose to his belly. Previously he hadn't been digesting all of the milk and wasn't pooping much. He got up to 24 ml per feeding and was able to digest it all and poop regularly on his own. Just tonight he spit up for the first time. So we'll see how fast he reaches a "full feeding" which is about 40 ml. Once he can hold 40 ml he can get off the IV because he'd have enough milk to stay hydrated and maintain his body weight. Then we could move over to the parent village in the NICU where we could all stay in the same room until he got all that milk by nursing, without the feeding tube.

More to come, including some pictures!!

60 days

Let me start by saying Owen is doing well. I'll write more later to update about him. But right now my heart is heavy because his roommate, the 28 week old baby, isn't going to make it. There have been about 12 nurses/ doctors in the room all morning. I was doing Kangaroo Care with Owen behind my privacy screen and trying to stay out of the way when things went critical. I just left the room to try to show some respect to the family. His grandparents had been brought in, the mom is still intubated in ICU. I couldn't even get out the door before the tears started flowing. I in no way deserve to have this healthy little baby I have. I just was sitting there in that room, hearing the scuffling feet and calm but concerned voices of all the staff, clinging to my baby happily sleeping on my chest thinking "why did God give me this child?". The mother of that baby is going to wake up and find out she lost her little boy, she'll never have seen him, never held his hand, she won't know the joy you feel when that little boy is 2 and runs to hug you, she'll never know the reward of hearing him say "I wuv you mama", or the pride in seeing him love the Lord. My heart is so heavy right now. I say all of this to ask you to pray for this family. And keep praying for baby Owen. We cannot take our children for granted. He is a GIFT. A complete GIFT from the Lord. He is entrusted to my care for a short time and I want to be present - physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally for every moment of it. I want to hug him and kiss him every day and tell him I love him. So I encourage each of you children, tell your parents you appreciate and love them, each of you parents tell your children you appreciate and love them. No one deserves to lose a baby. No one deserves to keep a baby. I don't know why God has chosen to bless us with this situation, having our baby boy make it all the way to 34 weeks and give us a little fighter who will probably end up thriving and bringing so much joy to our lives. But I will be thankful, every day that I get to have him.

58 days

It's been a busy few days! I haven't had my laptop on me to post so let me catch you all up. First of all, baby Owen has brown hair just like Ava did when she was born. His fingers and feet are long just like Grant's were. Sometime I'll post a newborn picture of each of them and you can make your predictions:) I've only seen him open his eyes for the first time today, just briefly, and it looks like they are going to be blue. I can't tell you how awesome it was to see him looking up at me.

Let me fill you in on where we are medically. The doctors took Owen up to the NICU very shortly after he was born. Basically his systems are a little immature, as expected, so he needs some help to breathe & eat and to lower his bilirubin levels. When he was born we immediately saw he was able to breathe on his own!! But it was a lot of work for him so he took rapid, shallow breaths. The doctors tried to let him overcome that, but he was having trouble on his own so after about 12 hours they put on a CPAP. These were tubes in his nostrils that pushed air into his lungs, helping him keep them inflated. This made him much more comfortable. After about 48 hours they removed that and he was able to breathe just fine! Normally, in utero, it would take a baby until 40 weeks (full term) to make the ideal amount of surfacant needed in their lungs. It amazes me that when they are born preterm, in just 48 h their little bodies can make enough surfactant for them to breathe unaided. Our bodies are amazing. We are very thankful that Owen didn't need an invasive procedure like intubation or ventilation.

They gave Owen cool purple goggles & he was put under special lights to help clear his jaundice. He is currently eating through a feeding tube. Just today, since he is breathing well, they said we could try nursing. He's very uninterested right now, but should learn with a little patience. He really just wants to sleep and be left alone. I don't blame him, it was much more calm in the womb! So it's important that we don't overstimulate him. I have been doing Kangaroo Care where I hold him skin to skin for extended periods of time. It calms him down and is as close as we can get to giving him the environment he would have in the womb which is important for his brain to keep developing. And as he matures, he will become more alert and more interested in nursing.

Saturday night was a little rough for Owen. His veins are fragile and IV vein blew so they had to try a new one. They tried 9 times and finally gave up. Then they tried to go through his belly button but the IV curved and went toward his liver. There is only one vein in the belly button so they couldn't try again. They then resorted to a PICC line. The veins just blew so easily, but on the third time it worked. They did an X-ray to see if it was in the right place, but it was not. Honestly, he was tough. He cried the most when they wiped his skin with a cold wipe of all things. They left the PICC line in and in the morning a PICC nurse was able to adjust it so that the tube uncurled and went to the right place. So he didn't have to be stuck again! I was relieved about that. It's hard to see such a little baby go through all of that.

After talking to the Neonatologists, it seems Owen is doing extremely well. He just needs some time to catch up and adapt to being on the outside this early. So we are just being patient and living day by day.

Last night I was discharged from the hospital. Hooray, I'm not a patient anymore!!! It's a little bittersweet to leave my nurses:) I have promised to send them pictures. Apparently we've created a stir in the hospital. Yesterday the pediatrician asked if we were from the city and I told him we are from Detroit. He said "oh, you're the one who came to visit and has been here two months". He said he was very familiar with our story. And the housekeeper and cafeteria staff stopped by to see me and said they were going to tell everyone downstairs that I finally had the baby. Apparently they have all been wondering. Everyone is so surprised that I made it to 34 weeks!

Tonight Owen got a new roomate, a baby born at 28 weeks. Seeing that tiny little baby and the amount of intervention he needed, tugged at my heart. He is almost 1/3 the size of Owen. I just looked back and forth at him and Owen thinking, that could have been us. The nurses told me that some of those babies, born at 26-28 weeks celebrate their 1st birthdays in the hospital. What in the world would we have done in that situation? We are truly, truly blessed.

56 days

Here he is:

55 days

He's HERE!!

Owen Elijah Moyer joined us at 6:26 pm today. He's 5 lb, 3 oz and 18 3/4 inches long. Pretty good size for being 6 weeks early! I was never so happy to hear a newborn cry!

I was able to hold him for about 15 min before the NICU peds rushed into access him. They took him upstairs to do a full evaluation. Hi apgar score was 7 & 9, which was great, but his breathing was a little raspy so they are going to access him to see if he will need surfactant. I will post some pics as soon as I am able!

It was a long day and I'm completely exhausted. It took some heavy doses of pitocin, but my body finally figured out it was time to have this baby:) Hopefully we'll have some more updates by tomorrow morning.

What's in a name?

I wanted to tell all why we chose the name Owen Elijah. I felt strongly that he needed a name that reflected these circumstances and honored God as he has heard our prayers & watched over us so carefully through this process. Owen means "young fighter". The nurses tell me these preemies are so spirited and are tough little fighters. He's had to be a little fighter through this process and will continue now that he's here. The history of the name Owen is relevant too. The story goes back to a monk, St. Owen, who gained a reputation for assisting the poor, homeless, widows, and orphans. We have specifically prayed that this baby would have a big heart, full of compassion for people. So this name suits him perfectly. Elijah means "the lord is my God". We have promised God that we will do everything we can as parents to raise this child up to love the Lord and we want to recognize he is Lord of our child's life.

54 days

I'm 34 weeks today! Praise God! I talked to a nurse from Michigan today who worked in OB Special Care as a nurse for years and she said she'd never seen a patient with ruptured membranes make it as long as I have. She was so surprised. I feel blessed.

Tomorrow our induction starts at 7:30 am. Please pray for a speedy uncomplicated labor for me and a healthy little baby boy. We'll post when he's here!!

53 days

I have started to write this post several times since I was admitted to the hospital. But every time I have stopped, unable to put what I felt in my heart into words. I’m a rambler. But I’ve decided to go ahead and write it, even if I cannot be concise or eloquent.

We are selfish by nature, all of us, often finding ourselves in circumstances and asking, “how does this affect me?”. We are quick to judge a circumstance as good or bad. I might feel a situation is “bad” for “me”. But how do I know it is not “good” for God’s kingdom?

While in the hospital, several people have said to me “this is terrible that you have to be in the hospital”. I appreciate the sympathy they are extending, but I can’t help but wonder “but is it terrible?”. Terrible is such a relative term. Terrible compared to a normal healthy pregnancy, sure. Terrible compared to having had this baby at 26 weeks and losing him, no. I don’t see the picture from God's view so I can't truly judge what is good and what is bad in my life.

I prayed, from day one, for a healthy baby. At my first ultrasound we found out there were two babies, but only one heartbeat. That could be viewed as a terrible disappointment. The resulting bleeding in my pregnancy due to the “vanishing twin” that probably caused my water to break at 26 weeks and me to be hospitalized for months could also be viewed as “terrible”. But it’s possible that this course of events was necessary for God to answer my prayer for a healthy child.

It’s also possible that because I live in an imperfect world, I face imperfect circumstances such as the one I find myself in. Scripture tells us that “In all things, God works for the good of those who love him” (Rom 8:28). So in this circumstance I find myself in, God is trying to bless me by keeping me pregnant this long and protecting this little baby growing inside me.

It’s also possible that he is using me for a greater purpose. If I have a true love for God and desire to do his will, I sacrifice my own will and allow God to use me and my life for his purpose. A perfect example of this is Christ in the garden. Christ did not want to go to the cross. He said “my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Mark 14:34). He was so sad about what was going to happen it was killing him! He did not want to go to that cross. He begged God “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me.” (vs. 35). He recognized God’s power and his ability to control the situation, to change his fate. But then… he said “yet not what I will, but what you will.” (vs. 35). He sacrifices his own comfort, happiness, and desires in that one statement. He knows God is powerful enough to move mountains, take away his pain, heal a child of cancer, reconcile a family, bring financial security, or bring home a prodigal son. But he recognizes that he has faith and trust in God to see a much bigger picture, a much bigger purpose, and he concedes. How many times have we read this scripture?! His example is there for us. We need to concede without understanding. We need to trust and have faith, despite all of the emotions we feel, that God is God and that is enough. Accepting that can bless us with a peace that PASSES understanding. It doesn’t FOLLOW understanding, it doesn’t REQUIRE understanding. It PASSES understanding. I cannot say “God if you make yourself known to me, and I will accept you.”, instead he says “accept me, and I will make myself known to you”. I do believe Christ wants us to change our perspective so instead of saying “why is this happening to me”, we can say “how is God using me?”. Then, with self-less hearts we can respond to life with zeal and readiness to be used for God’s good purpose, even if it means putting our own comforts and wishes aside.

A lot of people have told me they are surprised that I seem to be in such good spirits given my situation. It catches me off guard a little because I feel I have so many things to be thankful for through the storm. From one view it may seem terrible to be on bed rest in the hospital for so long, 1000 miles away from my husband and young children, to be stuck in the same room day in and day out, to have to eat hospital food, to deal with the unexpected costs, to miss an entire season of 2012 in a blink. But on the other hand, I am so thankful for medical care that can allow me to carry my baby longer-giving him more time, for the ability of this hospital to give this baby the care he’ll need when he arrives, for having food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in, for having a loving dependable husband and parents helping with the kids, for having an incredible church family supporting us through this. We are told to “rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks IN ALL circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (I Thes 5:16-18). I don’t have to be thankful “FOR all circumstances” but I do need to be thankful “IN all circumstances”. I may be frustrated, stressed, confused, or hurt by circumstances I find myself in during my life. Thank God that my true joy is not dependent on those circumstances! My joy comes from God’s promises. If my joy is found in my circumstances, I will be like Solomon, on a hunt for true happiness, only to be repeatedly disappointed by the short lived thrills of this world. But if my joy is in God’s promise – my salvation – my joy can never be taken from me. That tomb is empty, despite loss, despite financial toil, despite sickness, despite disappointments, frustration and stress. God gave me emotion, and it’s okay to feel. But my trust and faith in God – that he will use me for his purpose –brings me security and peace, despite the emotion I feel. This may feel so counter to what comes naturally. But we are told “do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to attest what God’s will is, his perfect and pleasing will.” (Romans 12:2).

Storms come. They. Will. Come. The surprise will only be in how big they are, how hard they hit, and how we handle them. We live with the repercussions of a fallen world; we are directly affected by the choices other people make. Sometimes storms happen as a result of having left the garden. Other times I believe God choses to use us and alters the course of our life because we have asked the Holy Spirit to guide us to where we can be used – for his specific purpose. When I committed my life to Christ at 10 years old, I wasn’t committing to be a perfect person. I was simply recognizing God's sovereignty and committing to love him with all of my heart, my soul, and my mind. I promised to trust him with every step of my life so that I could know him and make him known. That is a sacrificial offering of myself, my comfort, my will, and my control.

I have prayed from day one for God to give us a healthy child. I have prayed that I can raise this child to know him so that he can fulfill God’s specific purpose in his life. The day I was admitted to the hospital I told a dear friend “God is going to give us the child we are supposed to have”. He may not be what I imagined “perfect”, but whatever his condition is, he will be “perfect” because he will be the child that God is going to use to fulfill a specific purpose. I said “even if God takes this child from us, God will still be glorified through him and through this circumstance. Nothing changes the fact that the tomb was empty”. When I commit myself, or my child, to God’s specific purpose, I may never fully understand what that purpose is. But yet I have to relinquish control, hand over the reins and let God be God, holding on to obedience, trust, and hope through the storm. That tomb was empty. Nothing changes that. That, my friends, brings calm through the storm.

I’ll end my ramblings with these lyrics (I have always felt songs can convey what words alone cannot). This is a song that I sing to myself as I fall asleep at night or as I face a storm. When I need to empty myself of “me” and fill myself with him. The second song is one of my favorites, heart of worship. This is another song that inspires me to remember it’s not about me; it’s about Jesus and the empty tomb.

FATHER GOD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufr17007ZOg

“Father God, just for today, help me walk the narrow way. Help me stand when I might fall. Give me your strength to hear your call. Here I am, just for today. Live in me. Have your way. For my desire when this race is run, is just to hear You say, ‘Well done!’ May my steps be worship, may my thoughts be praise, may my words bring honor to your name.

HEART OF WORSHIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Zp586pvZg

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

51 days

Well we're counting down, only 4 more days until we meet this little guy! I had an untrasound this morning and my fluid levels were low, 6.3. I think the fluid levels fluctuate up and down so I'm hoping they just caught it when it dipped down. But just in case I'm taking extra care to keep my feet up, my leg wraps on, and drink lots of water today to ensure they go back up! I don't think the doctors will do anything unless it gets below 5. I hope this little guy doesn't come before Friday since Chris doesn't arrive until Thursday night.

Our plans have changed a little bit. Originally, I wanted Chris and the kids to come down when the baby was born so we could all be together as a family here. I figured we could have some time together. Talking to the doctors and nurses I quickly realized that my idea of how things would be was not very realistic. In reality I will have to spend the majority of the day in NICU pumping, doing Kangaroo care, and monitoring the baby's improvements. My kids could only come in for a few minutes a day. Chris has to work full time from OKC to continue getting paid, so someone else would be watching the kids. There wouldn't be much for them to do and it may be stressful for them to be in this environment. And we'd all have to sleep in one big room at the Ronald McDonald house to be close to the hospital (which means no one gets enough sleep!). So Chris and I have decided they may be much happier at Dean & Karen's (Chris's parents) house. My parents will be in China visiting my sister during this time. When they made all the arrangements for their trip my dad said "you better not have this baby in March". I replied "why in the world would I have this baby in March?!". So here we are, scheduled to have the baby March 30th;). My niece and nephew are so excited about Grandma and Grandpa coming to see them in China so I told them to keep their trip. Plus our kids are SO excited to go to Portland and I know they will get lots of time with their cousins, be spoiled rotten, and get to play all day (which is really all they want to do at this age). So Chris and I will be able to focus our attention on this little boy and take care of what he needs to get a good start to life! It will be hard for me to go a month without seeing the kids, but I think this will be better for everyone.

As if this bump in the road isn't enough on our plate, we've been house hunting as well the last two months. I wasn't too excited to come home and look for houses with a newborn and Chris and I already know what we are looking for since we've been researching houses and school districts since the Fall. Plus, our company provided storage expires in May, at which point we would have to pick up the hefty payment, so we wouldn't be saving money by delaying the house hunt. So Chris has been seeing houses, video taping them, and sending me the videos. We found a great one and if everything goes through, we should be closing on it at the end of April! Being at my parents house has been wonderful (a true blessing), but we are excited to settle into our own place now as a family of five!

45 days

They went ahead and did my ultrasound this morning. Baby boy is 4 lbs 9 oz according to the ultrasound. Fluid levels are 10.3. So everything is looking promising! 10 more days!!

I am starting to look like a junkie. I have bruises on both arms from blown veins and holes all over my arms from IVs. Plus the glassy eyes from little sleep. I guess I should prepare myself for odd stares when I get out of the hospital:)

44 days

I know sometimes several days pass between posts, mostly because we are in a waiting phase. The doctor's who rotate weekly seem pleasantly surprised to see me still here when they come in. Several nurses tell me they check the patient list when they come in to see if my name is still on the list. Today Dr. Goodman said she was happy I didn't go into labor with the weather change today (apparently that is common around here). I told her that this boy doesn't want to be born just because everyone else is!

I have continued to have normal braxton hicks contractions. They aren't of concern to the doctors unless they progress. A few days ago the baby was having variable decelerations in heart rate. They were concerned I may be contracting and compressing his cord. They confirmed I am not dilated. Their conclusion was that instead of him having a high baseline with dips down, that actually his baseline was lower and he was having huge accelerations. So he was wide awake, happy, and having a ball in there. Once again, he's over performing :) I think it's because it was late at night, when he seems the most active. I will have another ultrasound to measure his growth on Wednesday. I'm really excited to see how big he's gotten because I may not have another ultrasound before he's born.

I've realized there are several questions I get asked regularly. So here they are:

* How long will we have to stay in OK after the baby is born?

- We have no idea! It all depends on his condition when he arrives. If he's doing great, it could be a week or two, or if he needs more help or if his lungs are immature, we could be here until his due date. If he gets stick, it could be much longer. It's a wait and see.

* Will I have to have a C-section?

- If the baby stays head down, I should be able to have a normal birth. They will only do a C-section if absolutely necessary. This labor may take longer than previous ones since I'm not term. Please pray for my strength and an uncomplicated delivery! Also pray that I don't go into labor before the 30th so Chris has time to here from Michigan.

* Am I going crazy in the hospital?

- I'm not really a person who gets bored, it makes me uncomfortable. I create things to do. So I've got a "to do list" like normal that's been filled with things like asking questions to the medical staff around here, making arrangements needed back in MI since I'm absent, house hunting, researching school districts (Ava starts Kindergarten this fall), dealing with insurance, booking plane tickets, visiting with people who stop by, etc. Once I ran out of important things to do I read three books in three days, learned how to crochet and made a blanket for baby (it's a little crooked but cute), scrapbooked and watched some chick flicks and TV series online. I've enjoyed having more time to spend in prayer with God over this baby. I've kept myself surprisingly busy. Thank you to all the people who've brought me things to pass the time. Now, I'm looking forward to doing nothing but holding my sweet baby in 11 days:)

40 days

32 weeks!!!

39 days

Chris, my mom, & the kids headed back home today. The time flies when they are here. For the most part they did well. One night I wheeled down to the hospital door to say goodbye (we usually say goodbye when they leave my room), and that was a bad idea. It was really hard on the kids to walk out the door and see me still inside. They both had to be carried crying to the car. The next day was much better. The kids were able to take a nap in my hospital room (amazing, I know), we had an earlier dinner and they had time to play in the kid's zone and still have popcorn and a movie before having to leave. Dad bought blue popcorn, so the kids thought that was pretty cool (and they were pretty blue by the end). It was great except that Grant put some popcorn kernels in his nose. Thankfully they came out easily:) We said goodbye in the room that night, which went over much better. I don't think they are as aware that they are leaving that way. And they race down the hall to push the elevator buttons. They were in good spirits when they left today because they were excited to go to the airport and see the airplanes. Ava said she didn't want me to be in the hospital anymore and we talked about how baby brother just needed a few more weeks to grow. She surprises me with how well she can process and accept information even when she doesn't like it.

I had another ultrasound today to check fluid levels. My fluid was at a 9, which is slightly lower than two weeks ago, but still good. The ultrasound tech said the fluid looked good and they are happy with the levels. In another week they will check his growth and we'll have a better idea of his size. I think he must be getting bigger because my belly definitely is sticking out more! Here's a recent ultrasound pic of our little man where you can see his profile.

37 days

It's been a while since I've posted. The last few days have flown by. Chris and my mom brought the kids down on Thursday night. This is their second visit before getting to meet baby brother:) It's SO nice to see them again, but pretty chaotic as well. The kids seem to do well, but get restless in the hospital and the lack of routine and later bedtimes does take it's toll. They have had a lot of fun playing in the "zone" at the hospital. It's nice that they have some activities for kids here. We also take "walks" through the hospital lobby where the kids like to see the hanging butterflies and the bubble wall and where they find lots of elevator buttons to push.... It's going to be crazy weather tomorrow, about 80 degrees. So I may take the wheelchair outside and let the kids run around. I'm looking forward to that!

I was able to talk to a neonatologist from the NICU the other day. It was nice to get insight from someone who works with preemies every day. I asked her why standard treatment isn't just to give another round of antibiotics and let people carry the babies longer so that they can reduce the risk of infection. She explained how the baby has had less fluid to develop his lungs, so his lungs will be smaller than an average 34 week baby. As he grows he needs more fluid but has less. So his lungs will be able to adapt once he's on the outside at 34 weeks and they will mature and grow outside. But if we wait too long, his lungs will stay small and he will have less surface area for oxygen exchange, but a much bigger body. This will cause more complications with his breathing after he's born. So it will actually be easier for his respiratory system to mature if he's delivered at 34 weeks than later. This was so interesting to me. I also learned that preemies don't have the calm quiet environment of the womb to finish developing their brain. Therefore it will be very important for us to keep his environment calm, quiet, and free of turmoil to allow his brain to continue developing as it should. I'm realizing that if I can stay calm and stress-free, he will sense that from me, & it will actually help him recover and mature faster. The body is such an amazing thing.

Each week in this hospital has truly been a gift. God is answering the prayers for this little boy and preparing him to be ready to come into this world. Thank you for continuing to pray for him - not only for his health, but also for the purpose & plans God has for him.

31 days

Assuming there are no emergencies, the doctors plan to deliver the baby at 34 weeks. If you know me, I don't like to do things just because I'm told to. I'm not a follower. I have to understand and agree it's a good thing to do. Being a scientist trains you to not just look at a box - but to look in the box, around the box, at the structure of the box, & at the environment the box is in. Nothing is as simple as it appears. That carries over into my medical care as well. Because of this I've been spending time researching and praying that this is the right decision. It is true that evidence shows that risks on the outside outweigh risks on the inside after 34 weeks. But that is based on the general population, and I am an individual within that population. If I can remain infection free for 2 months, why not two more weeks? In addition, I'm not questioning what we know, but what we don't know. We have been delivering babies and keeping them alive earlier and earlier in the last 20 years. We don't know some long term affects on behavior and learning, etc just because they haven't been studied yet. God designed a beautiful system & I believe that the longer this baby stays inside, the better it is for him. But there are risks we do know of after 34 weeks. Outward signs of an infection would take a while to appear, and by then the baby could already be sick. And if he's inside, the doctors can't monitor and treat him as he needs. And that could result in a C-section and longer NICU stay. So they argue that a healthy baby earlier is better than a sick baby later. I have thought and thought about this and resolved that there is no way for me to protect my baby from that possibility, but I am still uneasy. I have been prayerful for God to guide me in this decision and give me peace that he is the one who will protect my baby.

I spoke to the doctors yesterday about scheduling a date for the induction and they spoke to my OB here, Dr. Crouse. Dr. Crouse delivered my other two babies and I completely trust her judgement - she is one of the best. She told them "we need to go ahead and deliver that baby at 34 weeks, that's what we're going to do". Though I didn't get to speak to her myself, when the resident told her I wanted to carry the baby a little longer, I could just see her closing her eyes, shaking her head, and chuckling "of course she does" to herself - because she knows me! She told him, "tell Andrea I said we need to do it". When the resident delivered that message to me, I felt a sense of peace and confidence and I said "okay, let's do it". It almost felt like God was giving me the peace I needed through her decision. I've always said if I was in the middle of a delivery and she needed to make a call, I would completely trust her to do it. So now, I'm sticking to it. Our induction is scheduled for March 30th. So please continue to pray that this little one will grow strong enough to be ready to meet the world by the end of this month. Anatomically, the baby will be completely developed, but some things may still be immature. The most likely problems we will face are trouble breathing, sleep apnea, jaundice, trouble sucking & eating, trouble maintaining body temperature or blood sugar, & risk of infection. So we can pray specifically for these things to mature quickly so that our stay in NICU can be brief. Thanks so much for all the prayers, I can't tell you how much we appreciate you all.

25 days

The last few days have been very nice. I was able to go outside yesterday for the first time since I've been here. After 3 1/2 weeks without fresh air it was really nice that my nurse took me out in the wheelchair. It's odd to get around in a wheel chair when I know I'm capable of walking - I almost feel like a fraud. But those are my orders. My nurse showed me some areas where I could take the kids outside to run around if it is nice when they come back to visit. I enjoyed getting to talk to her as well about her life and family and decisions she's struggling with in raising her own kids. I like getting to know the nurses around here. The longer I'm here the more I get to know their stories, and I love seeing how that can open conversation to discuss God and my faith. I like to hope that God can use me in this environment to encourage or challenge some people around me. He has really forced me to "be still", is something I've always struggled with. Maybe he is leading me beside quiet waters, and making me lie down in green pastures so that I can see and hear the people around me a little better. Maybe then I can see and hear how God wants to use me in their lives.

On the medical side, things are looking good here. I had an ultrasound yesterday and the baby measured at 3 lbs 11 oz. That seemed pretty big to me, considering he was 2 lb 2 oz when I was admitted. But the doctor said that is average, right on target. My fluid levels were also 11, so they are continuing to rise. The rupture hasn't healed over, but it appears that the bed rest and my enormous water intake are helping maintain my fluid levels (as well as the prayers of course:). I'm so thankful that he is doing well and he is still safe inside where he needs to be. In the end, hopefully this will just be a healthy baby boy and a great story!

Chris gave the kids a recordable story book yesterday that I had sent home with him. My sweet friend Marcia brought it to me and I was able to record it and sent it back with the kids. It was such a great idea. Ava opened it while we were on skype. I think she thought I was reading it to her - it took a while for her to understand that it was a recording. Then she said "so I can even listen to it, in my room in my bed when you aren't on the computer". I said yes and her response was "cool!!". Today I mailed them some cards & stickers (thanks Ramona). So I hope that will brighten their week a little. One day at a time...