56 days

Here he is:

55 days

He's HERE!!

Owen Elijah Moyer joined us at 6:26 pm today. He's 5 lb, 3 oz and 18 3/4 inches long. Pretty good size for being 6 weeks early! I was never so happy to hear a newborn cry!

I was able to hold him for about 15 min before the NICU peds rushed into access him. They took him upstairs to do a full evaluation. Hi apgar score was 7 & 9, which was great, but his breathing was a little raspy so they are going to access him to see if he will need surfactant. I will post some pics as soon as I am able!

It was a long day and I'm completely exhausted. It took some heavy doses of pitocin, but my body finally figured out it was time to have this baby:) Hopefully we'll have some more updates by tomorrow morning.

What's in a name?

I wanted to tell all why we chose the name Owen Elijah. I felt strongly that he needed a name that reflected these circumstances and honored God as he has heard our prayers & watched over us so carefully through this process. Owen means "young fighter". The nurses tell me these preemies are so spirited and are tough little fighters. He's had to be a little fighter through this process and will continue now that he's here. The history of the name Owen is relevant too. The story goes back to a monk, St. Owen, who gained a reputation for assisting the poor, homeless, widows, and orphans. We have specifically prayed that this baby would have a big heart, full of compassion for people. So this name suits him perfectly. Elijah means "the lord is my God". We have promised God that we will do everything we can as parents to raise this child up to love the Lord and we want to recognize he is Lord of our child's life.

54 days

I'm 34 weeks today! Praise God! I talked to a nurse from Michigan today who worked in OB Special Care as a nurse for years and she said she'd never seen a patient with ruptured membranes make it as long as I have. She was so surprised. I feel blessed.

Tomorrow our induction starts at 7:30 am. Please pray for a speedy uncomplicated labor for me and a healthy little baby boy. We'll post when he's here!!

53 days

I have started to write this post several times since I was admitted to the hospital. But every time I have stopped, unable to put what I felt in my heart into words. I’m a rambler. But I’ve decided to go ahead and write it, even if I cannot be concise or eloquent.

We are selfish by nature, all of us, often finding ourselves in circumstances and asking, “how does this affect me?”. We are quick to judge a circumstance as good or bad. I might feel a situation is “bad” for “me”. But how do I know it is not “good” for God’s kingdom?

While in the hospital, several people have said to me “this is terrible that you have to be in the hospital”. I appreciate the sympathy they are extending, but I can’t help but wonder “but is it terrible?”. Terrible is such a relative term. Terrible compared to a normal healthy pregnancy, sure. Terrible compared to having had this baby at 26 weeks and losing him, no. I don’t see the picture from God's view so I can't truly judge what is good and what is bad in my life.

I prayed, from day one, for a healthy baby. At my first ultrasound we found out there were two babies, but only one heartbeat. That could be viewed as a terrible disappointment. The resulting bleeding in my pregnancy due to the “vanishing twin” that probably caused my water to break at 26 weeks and me to be hospitalized for months could also be viewed as “terrible”. But it’s possible that this course of events was necessary for God to answer my prayer for a healthy child.

It’s also possible that because I live in an imperfect world, I face imperfect circumstances such as the one I find myself in. Scripture tells us that “In all things, God works for the good of those who love him” (Rom 8:28). So in this circumstance I find myself in, God is trying to bless me by keeping me pregnant this long and protecting this little baby growing inside me.

It’s also possible that he is using me for a greater purpose. If I have a true love for God and desire to do his will, I sacrifice my own will and allow God to use me and my life for his purpose. A perfect example of this is Christ in the garden. Christ did not want to go to the cross. He said “my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Mark 14:34). He was so sad about what was going to happen it was killing him! He did not want to go to that cross. He begged God “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me.” (vs. 35). He recognized God’s power and his ability to control the situation, to change his fate. But then… he said “yet not what I will, but what you will.” (vs. 35). He sacrifices his own comfort, happiness, and desires in that one statement. He knows God is powerful enough to move mountains, take away his pain, heal a child of cancer, reconcile a family, bring financial security, or bring home a prodigal son. But he recognizes that he has faith and trust in God to see a much bigger picture, a much bigger purpose, and he concedes. How many times have we read this scripture?! His example is there for us. We need to concede without understanding. We need to trust and have faith, despite all of the emotions we feel, that God is God and that is enough. Accepting that can bless us with a peace that PASSES understanding. It doesn’t FOLLOW understanding, it doesn’t REQUIRE understanding. It PASSES understanding. I cannot say “God if you make yourself known to me, and I will accept you.”, instead he says “accept me, and I will make myself known to you”. I do believe Christ wants us to change our perspective so instead of saying “why is this happening to me”, we can say “how is God using me?”. Then, with self-less hearts we can respond to life with zeal and readiness to be used for God’s good purpose, even if it means putting our own comforts and wishes aside.

A lot of people have told me they are surprised that I seem to be in such good spirits given my situation. It catches me off guard a little because I feel I have so many things to be thankful for through the storm. From one view it may seem terrible to be on bed rest in the hospital for so long, 1000 miles away from my husband and young children, to be stuck in the same room day in and day out, to have to eat hospital food, to deal with the unexpected costs, to miss an entire season of 2012 in a blink. But on the other hand, I am so thankful for medical care that can allow me to carry my baby longer-giving him more time, for the ability of this hospital to give this baby the care he’ll need when he arrives, for having food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in, for having a loving dependable husband and parents helping with the kids, for having an incredible church family supporting us through this. We are told to “rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks IN ALL circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (I Thes 5:16-18). I don’t have to be thankful “FOR all circumstances” but I do need to be thankful “IN all circumstances”. I may be frustrated, stressed, confused, or hurt by circumstances I find myself in during my life. Thank God that my true joy is not dependent on those circumstances! My joy comes from God’s promises. If my joy is found in my circumstances, I will be like Solomon, on a hunt for true happiness, only to be repeatedly disappointed by the short lived thrills of this world. But if my joy is in God’s promise – my salvation – my joy can never be taken from me. That tomb is empty, despite loss, despite financial toil, despite sickness, despite disappointments, frustration and stress. God gave me emotion, and it’s okay to feel. But my trust and faith in God – that he will use me for his purpose –brings me security and peace, despite the emotion I feel. This may feel so counter to what comes naturally. But we are told “do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to attest what God’s will is, his perfect and pleasing will.” (Romans 12:2).

Storms come. They. Will. Come. The surprise will only be in how big they are, how hard they hit, and how we handle them. We live with the repercussions of a fallen world; we are directly affected by the choices other people make. Sometimes storms happen as a result of having left the garden. Other times I believe God choses to use us and alters the course of our life because we have asked the Holy Spirit to guide us to where we can be used – for his specific purpose. When I committed my life to Christ at 10 years old, I wasn’t committing to be a perfect person. I was simply recognizing God's sovereignty and committing to love him with all of my heart, my soul, and my mind. I promised to trust him with every step of my life so that I could know him and make him known. That is a sacrificial offering of myself, my comfort, my will, and my control.

I have prayed from day one for God to give us a healthy child. I have prayed that I can raise this child to know him so that he can fulfill God’s specific purpose in his life. The day I was admitted to the hospital I told a dear friend “God is going to give us the child we are supposed to have”. He may not be what I imagined “perfect”, but whatever his condition is, he will be “perfect” because he will be the child that God is going to use to fulfill a specific purpose. I said “even if God takes this child from us, God will still be glorified through him and through this circumstance. Nothing changes the fact that the tomb was empty”. When I commit myself, or my child, to God’s specific purpose, I may never fully understand what that purpose is. But yet I have to relinquish control, hand over the reins and let God be God, holding on to obedience, trust, and hope through the storm. That tomb was empty. Nothing changes that. That, my friends, brings calm through the storm.

I’ll end my ramblings with these lyrics (I have always felt songs can convey what words alone cannot). This is a song that I sing to myself as I fall asleep at night or as I face a storm. When I need to empty myself of “me” and fill myself with him. The second song is one of my favorites, heart of worship. This is another song that inspires me to remember it’s not about me; it’s about Jesus and the empty tomb.

FATHER GOD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufr17007ZOg

“Father God, just for today, help me walk the narrow way. Help me stand when I might fall. Give me your strength to hear your call. Here I am, just for today. Live in me. Have your way. For my desire when this race is run, is just to hear You say, ‘Well done!’ May my steps be worship, may my thoughts be praise, may my words bring honor to your name.

HEART OF WORSHIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Zp586pvZg

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

51 days

Well we're counting down, only 4 more days until we meet this little guy! I had an untrasound this morning and my fluid levels were low, 6.3. I think the fluid levels fluctuate up and down so I'm hoping they just caught it when it dipped down. But just in case I'm taking extra care to keep my feet up, my leg wraps on, and drink lots of water today to ensure they go back up! I don't think the doctors will do anything unless it gets below 5. I hope this little guy doesn't come before Friday since Chris doesn't arrive until Thursday night.

Our plans have changed a little bit. Originally, I wanted Chris and the kids to come down when the baby was born so we could all be together as a family here. I figured we could have some time together. Talking to the doctors and nurses I quickly realized that my idea of how things would be was not very realistic. In reality I will have to spend the majority of the day in NICU pumping, doing Kangaroo care, and monitoring the baby's improvements. My kids could only come in for a few minutes a day. Chris has to work full time from OKC to continue getting paid, so someone else would be watching the kids. There wouldn't be much for them to do and it may be stressful for them to be in this environment. And we'd all have to sleep in one big room at the Ronald McDonald house to be close to the hospital (which means no one gets enough sleep!). So Chris and I have decided they may be much happier at Dean & Karen's (Chris's parents) house. My parents will be in China visiting my sister during this time. When they made all the arrangements for their trip my dad said "you better not have this baby in March". I replied "why in the world would I have this baby in March?!". So here we are, scheduled to have the baby March 30th;). My niece and nephew are so excited about Grandma and Grandpa coming to see them in China so I told them to keep their trip. Plus our kids are SO excited to go to Portland and I know they will get lots of time with their cousins, be spoiled rotten, and get to play all day (which is really all they want to do at this age). So Chris and I will be able to focus our attention on this little boy and take care of what he needs to get a good start to life! It will be hard for me to go a month without seeing the kids, but I think this will be better for everyone.

As if this bump in the road isn't enough on our plate, we've been house hunting as well the last two months. I wasn't too excited to come home and look for houses with a newborn and Chris and I already know what we are looking for since we've been researching houses and school districts since the Fall. Plus, our company provided storage expires in May, at which point we would have to pick up the hefty payment, so we wouldn't be saving money by delaying the house hunt. So Chris has been seeing houses, video taping them, and sending me the videos. We found a great one and if everything goes through, we should be closing on it at the end of April! Being at my parents house has been wonderful (a true blessing), but we are excited to settle into our own place now as a family of five!

45 days

They went ahead and did my ultrasound this morning. Baby boy is 4 lbs 9 oz according to the ultrasound. Fluid levels are 10.3. So everything is looking promising! 10 more days!!

I am starting to look like a junkie. I have bruises on both arms from blown veins and holes all over my arms from IVs. Plus the glassy eyes from little sleep. I guess I should prepare myself for odd stares when I get out of the hospital:)

44 days

I know sometimes several days pass between posts, mostly because we are in a waiting phase. The doctor's who rotate weekly seem pleasantly surprised to see me still here when they come in. Several nurses tell me they check the patient list when they come in to see if my name is still on the list. Today Dr. Goodman said she was happy I didn't go into labor with the weather change today (apparently that is common around here). I told her that this boy doesn't want to be born just because everyone else is!

I have continued to have normal braxton hicks contractions. They aren't of concern to the doctors unless they progress. A few days ago the baby was having variable decelerations in heart rate. They were concerned I may be contracting and compressing his cord. They confirmed I am not dilated. Their conclusion was that instead of him having a high baseline with dips down, that actually his baseline was lower and he was having huge accelerations. So he was wide awake, happy, and having a ball in there. Once again, he's over performing :) I think it's because it was late at night, when he seems the most active. I will have another ultrasound to measure his growth on Wednesday. I'm really excited to see how big he's gotten because I may not have another ultrasound before he's born.

I've realized there are several questions I get asked regularly. So here they are:

* How long will we have to stay in OK after the baby is born?

- We have no idea! It all depends on his condition when he arrives. If he's doing great, it could be a week or two, or if he needs more help or if his lungs are immature, we could be here until his due date. If he gets stick, it could be much longer. It's a wait and see.

* Will I have to have a C-section?

- If the baby stays head down, I should be able to have a normal birth. They will only do a C-section if absolutely necessary. This labor may take longer than previous ones since I'm not term. Please pray for my strength and an uncomplicated delivery! Also pray that I don't go into labor before the 30th so Chris has time to here from Michigan.

* Am I going crazy in the hospital?

- I'm not really a person who gets bored, it makes me uncomfortable. I create things to do. So I've got a "to do list" like normal that's been filled with things like asking questions to the medical staff around here, making arrangements needed back in MI since I'm absent, house hunting, researching school districts (Ava starts Kindergarten this fall), dealing with insurance, booking plane tickets, visiting with people who stop by, etc. Once I ran out of important things to do I read three books in three days, learned how to crochet and made a blanket for baby (it's a little crooked but cute), scrapbooked and watched some chick flicks and TV series online. I've enjoyed having more time to spend in prayer with God over this baby. I've kept myself surprisingly busy. Thank you to all the people who've brought me things to pass the time. Now, I'm looking forward to doing nothing but holding my sweet baby in 11 days:)

40 days

32 weeks!!!

39 days

Chris, my mom, & the kids headed back home today. The time flies when they are here. For the most part they did well. One night I wheeled down to the hospital door to say goodbye (we usually say goodbye when they leave my room), and that was a bad idea. It was really hard on the kids to walk out the door and see me still inside. They both had to be carried crying to the car. The next day was much better. The kids were able to take a nap in my hospital room (amazing, I know), we had an earlier dinner and they had time to play in the kid's zone and still have popcorn and a movie before having to leave. Dad bought blue popcorn, so the kids thought that was pretty cool (and they were pretty blue by the end). It was great except that Grant put some popcorn kernels in his nose. Thankfully they came out easily:) We said goodbye in the room that night, which went over much better. I don't think they are as aware that they are leaving that way. And they race down the hall to push the elevator buttons. They were in good spirits when they left today because they were excited to go to the airport and see the airplanes. Ava said she didn't want me to be in the hospital anymore and we talked about how baby brother just needed a few more weeks to grow. She surprises me with how well she can process and accept information even when she doesn't like it.

I had another ultrasound today to check fluid levels. My fluid was at a 9, which is slightly lower than two weeks ago, but still good. The ultrasound tech said the fluid looked good and they are happy with the levels. In another week they will check his growth and we'll have a better idea of his size. I think he must be getting bigger because my belly definitely is sticking out more! Here's a recent ultrasound pic of our little man where you can see his profile.

37 days

It's been a while since I've posted. The last few days have flown by. Chris and my mom brought the kids down on Thursday night. This is their second visit before getting to meet baby brother:) It's SO nice to see them again, but pretty chaotic as well. The kids seem to do well, but get restless in the hospital and the lack of routine and later bedtimes does take it's toll. They have had a lot of fun playing in the "zone" at the hospital. It's nice that they have some activities for kids here. We also take "walks" through the hospital lobby where the kids like to see the hanging butterflies and the bubble wall and where they find lots of elevator buttons to push.... It's going to be crazy weather tomorrow, about 80 degrees. So I may take the wheelchair outside and let the kids run around. I'm looking forward to that!

I was able to talk to a neonatologist from the NICU the other day. It was nice to get insight from someone who works with preemies every day. I asked her why standard treatment isn't just to give another round of antibiotics and let people carry the babies longer so that they can reduce the risk of infection. She explained how the baby has had less fluid to develop his lungs, so his lungs will be smaller than an average 34 week baby. As he grows he needs more fluid but has less. So his lungs will be able to adapt once he's on the outside at 34 weeks and they will mature and grow outside. But if we wait too long, his lungs will stay small and he will have less surface area for oxygen exchange, but a much bigger body. This will cause more complications with his breathing after he's born. So it will actually be easier for his respiratory system to mature if he's delivered at 34 weeks than later. This was so interesting to me. I also learned that preemies don't have the calm quiet environment of the womb to finish developing their brain. Therefore it will be very important for us to keep his environment calm, quiet, and free of turmoil to allow his brain to continue developing as it should. I'm realizing that if I can stay calm and stress-free, he will sense that from me, & it will actually help him recover and mature faster. The body is such an amazing thing.

Each week in this hospital has truly been a gift. God is answering the prayers for this little boy and preparing him to be ready to come into this world. Thank you for continuing to pray for him - not only for his health, but also for the purpose & plans God has for him.

31 days

Assuming there are no emergencies, the doctors plan to deliver the baby at 34 weeks. If you know me, I don't like to do things just because I'm told to. I'm not a follower. I have to understand and agree it's a good thing to do. Being a scientist trains you to not just look at a box - but to look in the box, around the box, at the structure of the box, & at the environment the box is in. Nothing is as simple as it appears. That carries over into my medical care as well. Because of this I've been spending time researching and praying that this is the right decision. It is true that evidence shows that risks on the outside outweigh risks on the inside after 34 weeks. But that is based on the general population, and I am an individual within that population. If I can remain infection free for 2 months, why not two more weeks? In addition, I'm not questioning what we know, but what we don't know. We have been delivering babies and keeping them alive earlier and earlier in the last 20 years. We don't know some long term affects on behavior and learning, etc just because they haven't been studied yet. God designed a beautiful system & I believe that the longer this baby stays inside, the better it is for him. But there are risks we do know of after 34 weeks. Outward signs of an infection would take a while to appear, and by then the baby could already be sick. And if he's inside, the doctors can't monitor and treat him as he needs. And that could result in a C-section and longer NICU stay. So they argue that a healthy baby earlier is better than a sick baby later. I have thought and thought about this and resolved that there is no way for me to protect my baby from that possibility, but I am still uneasy. I have been prayerful for God to guide me in this decision and give me peace that he is the one who will protect my baby.

I spoke to the doctors yesterday about scheduling a date for the induction and they spoke to my OB here, Dr. Crouse. Dr. Crouse delivered my other two babies and I completely trust her judgement - she is one of the best. She told them "we need to go ahead and deliver that baby at 34 weeks, that's what we're going to do". Though I didn't get to speak to her myself, when the resident told her I wanted to carry the baby a little longer, I could just see her closing her eyes, shaking her head, and chuckling "of course she does" to herself - because she knows me! She told him, "tell Andrea I said we need to do it". When the resident delivered that message to me, I felt a sense of peace and confidence and I said "okay, let's do it". It almost felt like God was giving me the peace I needed through her decision. I've always said if I was in the middle of a delivery and she needed to make a call, I would completely trust her to do it. So now, I'm sticking to it. Our induction is scheduled for March 30th. So please continue to pray that this little one will grow strong enough to be ready to meet the world by the end of this month. Anatomically, the baby will be completely developed, but some things may still be immature. The most likely problems we will face are trouble breathing, sleep apnea, jaundice, trouble sucking & eating, trouble maintaining body temperature or blood sugar, & risk of infection. So we can pray specifically for these things to mature quickly so that our stay in NICU can be brief. Thanks so much for all the prayers, I can't tell you how much we appreciate you all.