2-9-12: 4 days

I have enjoyed your messages and visits over these last few days. I'm sure in the coming days & weeks I'll be able to better wrap mind around the idea of this room being my new "home". Chris and Ava will have to head back to Michigan this weekend, so I am enjoying spending time with them before they leave. Hopefully in a few weeks they will be back down to visit again, I will look forward to that. We've given Ava little pieces of information each day to give her an idea of what's going on without overwhelming her. She's done okay so far. She understands that mommy has to stay in the hospital to make sure baby brother is safe & healthy. We talked today about her going back to Michigan with daddy so she could go to preschool for the Valentine's exchange and because daddy needed her to show him what all the buttons on the plane are for :). She proudly told me she could do that because she knows how to fly on a plane. Her concept of time hasn't fully developed, so to not overwhelm her we're just talking about a few days at a time with her. Grant seems to be doing fine at home so far. But today on the phone he told me "I want you to come home right now. I want mommy to come home". Grant is such a sweet, loving, tender hearted boy. The idea of him feeling abandoned by me tears me up inside. I am just hoping that his young age and the fact that he doesn't have a good concept of time will allow him to be easily distracted between visits. It's hard for me to imagine going from being such an integral part of his day to day, to being gone. Wondering how this will affect the kids is the hardest part for me. I know they are resilient and I just hope I'm able to show them I love them from a distance.

As far as the medical side of everything, we have looked into the idea of having me transported back to Michigan and that doesn't seem like an option. It would require us to pay for a medical flight out of pocket. Though there would be medical personnel on the flight, there are still risk being far from a hospital if something happened. As of right now, it looks like I'll be staying here. The good news is, that the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) here is the best in the state, with the highest ranking available. So we know that our baby will get good care once he arrives.

If you know me, you know I'm trying to understand the science behind all of this. I ask a lot of questions and the doctor's even brought me an article from a medical journal to read - they have me pegged! When it comes down to it, we are waiting. Things may remain very calm, or could change on a dime. Below I've described some of what we know, for those of you interested in the medical part of things.

According to what I've read, I don't have any of the risk factors for my water to break so early. Things that would usually cause this are contractions, infection, history of pre-term labor, disease, smoking, & amniocentesis. After having two overdue babies with uncomplicated pregnancies, this was surprising. However, I did have second-trimester bleeding, which may have been what weakened the sac. There is no way to confirm that though.

The main risks we face right now are:

1) prolapse cord: Since there is less fluid around the baby, it's more likely his cord could get pinched, which would result in him not receiving oxygen and an immediate C-section. This is a reason they want to monitor me closely. Baby is head down, which they say is very very positive because it makes the risk of prolapse cord lower.

2) low amniotic fluid:Also since there is less fluid, the baby has less room to move around freely. Movement is important for his limbs to develop properly and for his lungs to develop. They cannot tell me if we are at risk for these things by my fluid levels. They can only say that we are not to a critical level. Normal range of fluid may be 5-24. Below 5 is critical. We are a 6, which doesn't sound too high to me, but they feel very good about that because we are still in a safe range.

3) infection: When the protective sac around the baby is no longer sealed, bacteria from mom's body can't be kept out and can result in an infection. Infection can induce pre-term labor. It seems this is the most common problem with PROM.

My first goal is for us to get to 29 weeks. Prior to that, there is a lot of blood nourishing the brain and it puts babies at high risk for bleeding in the brain. The NICU doctors told us that treating preemies is a completely different game after 29 weeks so we're aiming for that first small goal.

Thanks again to everyone for the love & support.